you may or may not want to know the results of TV guide’s annual salary survey, as it just might make ya sick.

two and half men star charlie sheen is rolling in the dough at $1.25 million an episode. yes, an episode. can you imagine? ‘alright, everyone, that’s a wrap…’ and BOOM you’re $1.25 million dollars richer.

another surprise – kate plus 8 star kate gosselin brings in $250,00 an episode. can i have that job please?! other high income earners include house‘s hugh laurie at $400,000/episode and the late-night crew david letterman, jay leno and conan o’brien who bring in $28, $25 and $10 million dollars respectively.

but these salaries all PALE in comparison to ms. oprah winfrey. the TV queen makes $315 million/year. no wonder she gives out cars and vacations all the time. no one needs that kinda dough all to themselves!

click here for the full list of overpaid actors and actresses (yes, i’m bitter).

and oh man, has this new lady hit the jackpot. makeup artist mezhgan hussainy and mr. simon have been in the land of love ever since their start – so much so that simon even popped the question! yup, they’re engaged. awkward much for ex-gf seymour? (they dated for 6 years!)

the future mrs. cowell celebrated her 37th birthday this past week, and no expense was spared. simon has reportedly purchased his lady love a luxury 1954 jaguar convertible priced at over $120,000! and that ain’t it…

“red roses, french lingerie, prada bags, you name it. he gives her something new practically every day. one particularly sweet surprise was private his-and-hers swedish massages in their london hotel room.”

sure, when you make $75 million A YEAR! congratulations mezhgan, you scored big time! see below for some preciousness from the lovebirds – especially simon! – on the tonight show with jay leno.

what they should care about is that they are in a bit of a pickle with conan’s contract. by trying to move the time of his show to after jay’s time slot, nbc is in breach of its agreement. which means, conan’s got a decision to make. according to tmz and their sources, he has three options:

1) get outta the biz & collect some checks… some BIG checks. if conan quits, nbc would have to pay him the value of his contract, up to $80 million bucks over the next 4 years.

2) check out the view from other networks’ late-night lineups. fox? abc? i’m sure they’ll all come a-callin’. but if conan were to make a deal with a competing show, nbc would still have to pay him! let’s say fox paid him $10 mil/year. nbc would then have to ante up the reamining $10 mil to equal his original nbc contract. sounds good to me, mr. o’brien!

3) orrrr, he could once again come second to jay leno and take the shortened 12:35-1:05am time slot.

so, what’ll it be, sir?

jer is back and teaming up with nbc for a reality show entitled ‘the marriage ref,’ in which a panel of celebrities, comedians & athletes will judge marital disputes and recommend conflict resolutions. could be funny, could be a disaster. while jerry will stay behind the camera as producer for most of it, he will probably makes a few cameos.

jerry says that his adventures in bachelorhood inspired ‘seinfeld,’ and now after 10 years of wedded bliss feels he is ready to conquer the unpredictable institution of marriage. nbc touts the new show as “revealing. controversial. downright funny. ‘the marriage ref’ vows to look at relationships unlike anything you’ve ever seen on tv.”

real-life couples can audition to appear on the show, but be prepared! this is not therapy, this is comedy. the casting call stipulates “whether you argue about parenting, pets, fashion, money, in-laws, weight, housework, chores, communication, neatness, jealousy, past history, friends, sex… whatever you argue about, we want to hear from you. tell us why you absolutely need a marriage ref to weigh in and decide who is RIGHT and who is WRONG.” ‘the marriage ref’ premieres on nbc this fall.

sir conan has officially taken the reigns from 17-year late night king jay leno. and after much hype, he pulled off a smooth transition. although there were some setbacks: o’brien’s new show suffered a few painful reviews. new york post tv critic linda stasi criticized the rotation of “sketch upon sketch” that were at times “painfully unfunny.”

apparently the viewers didn’t quite agree! conan’s tonight show premiered to the highest overnight draw for ‘the tonight show ‘ since 2005. while we won’t know what the exact viewer count was until next week, we do know that he opened with a 7.1 rating/17 share. pretty decent!

conan should be ready, though, for people to pick apart his first year. while monday’s hefty ratings were celebrated, tuesday’s ran with a 30% viewer drop-off. critics of course are already hounding the funny man for the variance in ratings. it’s been two days, people! lay off ‘em. me thinks he’ll do just fine.

the legendary jay leno finished his 17-year reign on late-night this past friday. jay wrapped up his tenure by welcoming conan o’brien, who is slated to take his coveted spot. but if you ask me, it was all kind of a weird situation. because jay’s still gonna be on your tube! just a bit earlier. so we couldn’t really feel the goodbye sadness.

in any case, the show was everything we’ve come to expect from jay. great banter, funny jaywalking montages & a great musical guest – james taylor. at the end of the hour, with jay about to say his goodbyes, he spoke a bit about the legacy he & his show will leave behind. it was pretty neat, actually. gave me goosebumps! watch the clip above to see jay talk about the 68 kids that were born to the staff of the tonight show over the course of the show’s run.