the worst hoax ever

you know, i’m actually kinda irritated.

i’m all for the magic of movies and character development, etc. but this whole joaquin phoenix this-is-not-a-joke-but-now-it-is thing is just plain obnoxious.

joaquin phoenix and bro-in-law casey affleck started filming i’m still here, a movie about an actor who wants to be a rapper. but while filming, joaquin maintained this was NOT a hoax – he himself was quitting acting to become a rapper. most critics even started calling it a documentary, which by definition means it’s a film about real occurrences.

HOLD THE PHONE, because now joaquin and casey are admitting it was just “a movie.” they were surprised, in fact, that people didn’t understand that joaquin was just playing a character.

well excuuuuuse us! we didn’t see angelina jolie running around killing people in real life for her role in salt! so you can understand why we were a bit confused. and apparently i’m not the only one – both critics and audiences alike are in agreement! call it a failed experiment.

check out joaquin’s return visit to david letterman above to set things straight after his hilariously awkward appearance back in 2009.

boyfriend of the year, simon cowell

man, i musta picked the wrong guy! it seems american idol judge/billionaire simon cowell has a heart of gold, despite how it may appear on TV. after splitting with longtime girlfriend terri seymour, cowell has quickly moved on!

and oh man, has this new lady hit the jackpot. makeup artist mezhgan hussainy and mr. simon have been in the land of love ever since their start – so much so that simon even popped the question! yup, they’re engaged. awkward much for ex-gf seymour? (they dated for 6 years!)

the future mrs. cowell celebrated her 37th birthday this past week, and no expense was spared. simon has reportedly purchased his lady love a luxury 1954 jaguar convertible priced at over $120,000! and that ain’t it…

“red roses, french lingerie, prada bags, you name it. he gives her something new practically every day. one particularly sweet surprise was private his-and-hers swedish massages in their london hotel room.”

sure, when you make $75 million A YEAR! congratulations mezhgan, you scored big time! see below for some preciousness from the lovebirds – especially simon! – on the tonight show with jay leno.